C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET ^*

WHAT NON-AARDVARKS ARE PONDERING THIS WEEK

2 BLADE RUNNER The new computer game is most impressive, even if the protagonist (not Rick Deckard) has a weaselly voice.  Guess Harrison Ford was too expensive busy. 

3 FLORIDA Bryan Bell is trapped at MCI for a week without his wife.  The horror... the horror...

4 SURROUND SOUND It was a VCR misconfiguration problem, and when we fixed it on Sunday, Mike Barron got waaay too excited and his stereo system got waaay too loud.

5 NOISE CANCELLING HEADPHONES Mike also bought a pair of these on Sunday.  Ah, irony.

6 GAVIN WASSERMAN IS COMIN' TO TOWN You better not pout, you better not cry...  or else he may not mention you on his Web pages next week.

7 GIFT DISBURSEMENT Repeat after me: "It is more blessed to give than to receive..."

8 CHR*STMAS I'll listen to the music, but don't try to make me play with the Nativity action figures.

9 XXXMAS AT WEBTV Featuring pornaments and (so I'm told) vaguely demonic, battery-powered dolls.  Karin Weekly is leading the E-mail task force effort to crush the phone force with holiday cheer...  I'd stay out of her way if I were you.

10 DESERTION AT AT&T LABS WEST What is this "vacation" you speak of?

11 HANUKKAH Candles are cool. I'm building a menorah out of old pickle jar lids. (Yes, they were kosher dills.)

12 G.I. JEW "Not available in NATO countries."  I love Mad TV.

13 CORKY AND THE JUICE PIGS Did I mention that I love Mad TV?

14 HEARTS If you see a tall Chinese man cursing at his PalmPilot, it's probably me right after I've sucked up the Queen of Spades again.  I hate the Queen of Spades.

15 AMISTAD Why does Matthew McConaughey torture his hair so?