C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET ^*

1 A SOUTH PARK XMAS Kenny ... lives? "What incredible irony!"

2 TAMIKO WONG'S NINTH ANNUAL XMAS PARTY Good food. Nice house.

3 SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE Gavin Wasserman: "Do you have a message for Sally [Kim]?" Curtis Chen: "Tell her -- her hair looks great."

4 MINIATURES On Sunday, I got my first Xmas present of the year -- an A-10 Thunderbolt II model kit -- from Loren Cheng. It's been a while, but I think I still remember how to soak a decal sheet ...

5 SHOPPING I've been done for weeks, but Karin Weekly persuaded me to escort her to Draeger's and the Stanford Shopping Center. I was paid forty-four candles for my services.

6 BROWSER WARS Netscape offers free software to remove Microsoft Internet Explorer from your PC. Now if only someone would create a program that removes Windows 95 and replaces it with Linux ...

7 XMAS IN GERMANY Mike Barron and Aaron Hallmark leave the country for personal reasons.

8 THE DISHWASHER COMETH An unorthodox but very pragmatic fifth wedding anniversary/Xmas gift (self-bought) for the Bell-Weekly household.

9 THE ENGLISH PATIENT Excellent movie, excellent book, excellent laserdisc. I can't wait for the action figures and Gilf Kebir desert playset.

10 VIDEO EPILEPSY Hands-down winner, Headline of the Week award: "Japanese cartoon triggers seizures in hundreds of children"

11 PRODUCT PLACEMENT James Bond (007) hawking Visa cards, Ericsson phones, and BMW cars and motorcycles ... What's next? Paid propaganda programming on CNN?

12 TITANIC The ultimate rubbernecking experience finally arrives in theatres -- all three hours and fourteen minutes of it. Better buy that extra-large tub of popcorn.

13 AS GOOD AS IT GETS "Sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here."

14 NEW BURGER KING FRENCH FRIES So is Mr. Potato Head now shunned as a herbivore collaborator? And how much was the long distance bill for Nick Park to phone in his animation?