C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET ^*

01 EL NIÑO "The rain had returned and the wind increased, a mixture that made the air look like a shattering mirror."   -- Truman Capote

02 BLACK HISTORY MONTH So, it begins ... and never ends.

03 XVIII WINTER OLYMPICS Women's ice hockey, curling, and snowboarding (yes, snowboarding) debut as medal sports. Can Zamboni competitions be far behind?

04 SKIING DOESN'T KILL PEOPLE ... EA-6B Prowlers flying too low can kill people. Watch for it on a future episode of JAG. (But there wasn't any vodka involved.)

05 KARLA FAYE TUCKER I hear that the TV movie now in production is titled Don't Mess With Texas.

06 THE MISANTHROPIC BITCH Feeling bitter about Valentine's Day? Don't cry on my shoulder.

07 VOCALTEC INTERNET PHONE 5.0 Good news: you can-- in theory-- talk for free over the net. Bad news: the software runs on Windows95. (Maybe I should look into the alternatives...)

08 BILL GATES [ MPEG-movie ] "Looks like he finally got his just desserts. (sorry, someone had to say it) ;-)"   -- Mike Barron

09 A BALANCED BUDGET And this is supposed to save Social Security?

10 MIRACLE WORKERS Last year, AT&T paid the Baby Bells and other local phone companies $16.3 billion in access fees. Executives at Teleport -- the local telecom provider recently acquired by AT&T -- think they can slash that bill by 75 percent, or about $12 billion. They've been handing out free bread, fish, and wine, too.

11 ALCOHOL DOESN'T KILL PEOPLE ... methanol kills people. (But there still wasn't any vodka involved.)

12 PRESIDENTIAL KNEEPADS Monica Lewinsky had to earn hers, but you can buy a pair for just $16.95 plus shipping & handling!

13 QVC IN SPACE It's official: communism is dead.

14 MARCIA CLARK NBC hires her to do legal commentary for news programming. They were impressed by her hairdresser.