C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET ^*

01 KOKO The famous gorilla recently went online for a live chat. But how can we be sure it really was Koko? On the Internet, nobody knows if you're a dog...

02 RED MARS James "Titanic" Cameron has optioned Kim Stanley Robinson's kick-ass Mars trilogy and reportedly plans to turn it into a TV series. He wants to shoot everything on location. And he promises he won't go over budget.

03 ISRAEL The nation celebrated its 50th anniversary last week. Can you say, "Oy vey izh mir, I'm so meshugenah I could plotz"?

04 BSOD The infamous Blue Screen Of Death appears to be animated in Windows 98. Isn't it strange that Microsoft thinks we'll be seeing the BSOD so much that they need to make it visually interesting?

05 YOUR NAME Cast off the shackles of the white male oppressor and claim your real name now!

06 SILDENAFIL CITRATE Better known by its aliases: Viagra, This Month's Overreported News Story, and More Prefab Material For Stand-Up Comics Everywhere.

07 THE HIGH COST OF USER TESTING Jakob Nielsen estimates that "[i]t takes 39 hours to usability test a website the first time", including an average of 11 "usability catastrophes", 20 serious usability problems, and 29 cosmetic problems. The BOFH estimates that he doesn't give a crap what users think.

08 HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET The first part of the two-part season finale left me breathless. It's still The Best Damn Show On Television.

09 HANK THE ANGRY, DRUNKEN DWARF Currently the front-runner in People Magazine's Most Beautiful People Poll. Don't these people ever learn?

10 BORDERLESS FRAMES Yes, I know it's old news, but this is the first time I've used it on one of my websites. May Ghod have mercy on my soul(s).

11 JOE BONOMO Before the Internet existed, wacky stuff like this was much harder to find. Aren't you glad you live in a more enlightened age?

12 RODENT LAUGHTER Quote of the week: "I have literally tickled hundreds of rats." -- Jaak Panksepp