C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET ^*

01 BABYLON 5 The new soundtrack CDs from Sonic Images are not round. Also look for Shadow^TM- and Vorlon^TM-shaped CHICKEN TENDERS® at Burger King®.

02 LINUX Hey kids! You don't have to wait for the DoJ verdict to get a Microsoft-free computer. Of course, this does require that you (gasp!) learn something about your computer.

03 CONGRESS The new House Speaker's proposal for a five-day work week (two more than currently scheduled) has Republicans up in arms. Maybe another pay raise would placate them.

04 CAT SCANS Have you ever wondered how a feline would look if you stuck it inside a flatbed scanner? Wonder no more.

05 THE ONION I don't know why I find this amusing, but I do.

06 NEWS BABES In the fast-paced world of television journalism, you've got to be a babe to get the job done. Well, maybe not, but it couldn't hurt.

07 PATCH ADAMS Read the real story before you go see the movie (Good Morning Gesundheit Institute).

08 BOFH You don't know the Bastard Operator From Hell? You've probably got an iMac, too, haven't you? Luser.

09 REALAROMA The final frontier in computer technology: an olfactory plug-in for your web browser. Look for a cross-promotion with Glade.

10 MOFFETT FIELD The former military base might house Stanford grad students in the future. I don't have a joke for this one.

11 NOISE CANCELING HEADPHONES The EE geek says: "Why pay $160 at Amazon.com when you can just build your own?"

12 INSURRECTION The new Star Trek movie opens on Friday. Do you have what it takes to blend in at the premiere?