C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET ^*

01 FUCK You just don't hear enough of this word during the happy-go-lucky holiday season.

02 JESUS CHRIST It's His birthday, and He'll be on the Web if He wants to.

03 DEC. 26 Forget Boxing Day; make the day after Christmas a personal Tantra-Mama GooGoo-Yumyum Love-Fest for you and your partner.

04 ARTIFICIAL METEOR FIREWORKS Having seen Armageddon a few too many times, one intrepid netizen proposes using ICBMs to deliver oversized pyrotechnics into low Earth orbit. The missiles will be named Flying Pig 1, Flying Pig 2, ...

05 GOOGLE Finally, a search engine that works. Brace yourself for the inevitable IPO.

06 "MP3 is unstoppable," said Goodnoise Chairman Robert Kohn. "Any initiative now is like launching Betamax two years after VHS has become the standard. The real solution to piracy is to make music cheaper to buy than it is to steal."

07 ARCHAEOLOGY The oldest writing in the world is found, and it's about taxes. (Insert taxation joke here.)

08 OUTTAKES It's the Special Edition of A Bug's Life-- released mere weeks after the original! Because Disney hasn't totally saturated the marketplace this year and dammit, the stockholders are getting restless.

09 THE PRINCE OF EGYPT I have seen it, and it is nothing about which to write home.