C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET ^*

01 KOFI ANNAN to the rescue!

02 BENJAMIN "BAAADASSSSSS" NETANYAHU "Well in case we're attacked [by Iraq], we have our answers and I don't think there's any point in going into it."

03 AIRBUS DOWN A commercial passenger plane crashes into a residential area in Taipei, Taiwan, killing two hundred and five people-- including several government finance officials. As if the conspiracy theorists of the world didn't already have enough to play with.

04 BAY OF PIGS REVISITED And the same CIA which apparently couldn't manage a bunch of cholos is supposed to have helped assassinate Kennedy? Give me a break, Ollie.

05 LETTER TO BILL GATES "Why don't you offer the government the right to regulate your product, in return for a guarantee that you won't be liable for anticompetitive behavior? In other words, why don't you trade some control over your intellectual property for immunity from antitrust laws?" -- Stewart Alsop

06 DIANE ZAMORA So she's found guilty of murder and sentenced to life in prison. Only the latter has any right to be surprising.

07 TABLOIDS 1, CLARKE 0 The author of 2001: A Space Odyssey is investigated in Sri Lanka on charges of pedophilia. (No, guys, I think you're confusing him with Nabokov.)

08 COPPOLA 0, SAGAN 1 The wacked-out director's frivolous lawsuit against the late, great scientist and author has been dismissed. 'Nuff said.

09 DOLLY The genetic material might have come from fetal cells, not adult cells? OOPS!

10 MERCHANDISING AT&T's Star Trek-themed prepaid phone cards will be available in April, but you can order yours now! Call 1-800-467-1756, extension 52740.

11 WINE New studies show that it's good for men but bad for women. There ain't no justice.

12 DOGZ AND CATZ LIVING TOGETHER Mentioned in a recent EE380 lecture, these virtual pets represent the cutting edge in moving colored pixels around to make them look like something interesting.

13 PREY "This article would be interesting to me...if I could understand a freakin' bit of it."   -- Gavin Wasserman

14 TV-LESS Aaron Hallmark neglects to pay his bill for a few measly weeks, and TCI disconnects his apartment cable. He settles the account on Thursday night (the 19th), but they won't re-connect him until Wednesday (the 25th). The words "monopoly" and "withdrawal" come to mind...