C.K.L.'S HOTSHEET ^*

01 THE IDIOTS The latest cinematic effort from wacky Danish director Lars Von Trier has been entered into competition at the Cannes Film Festival. But don't expect to see it at any American theatres. (Can you say Lolita?)

02 YAHOO! The Web directory company teams with AT&T... just two months after they made a similar deal with MCI. And everybody's okay with this?

03 OREGON It seemed like such a nice place...

04 THE ULTIMATE PROSPERITY PAGE Ha, ha! Good joke, Mister Federal Trade Commission! It is so funny I must to laugh now.

05 RUDOLPH "We were just informed by the U.S. Marshal's Office that Doctor Richard Kimble is alive and well and living in the city of Chicago. Now you all know in what high regard I hold the scumbag. So I am personally donating a bottle of twelve-year-old Scotch to whoever puts the collar on this quack."

06 SPHERICAL CHESS No, I'm not talking about the lame-ass logical variation. I'm talking about a physically spherical playing surface. Ron knows what I'm talking about.

07 GIRL GAMES Hey! I used to work for her!

08 SMOKING Caption of the Week: "Doctors are not recommending smoking to prevent breast cancer"

09 GALAXY IV A communications satellite malfunctions and rotates out of position, and 80% of the pagers in North America go off-line... what can I say? Eggs. Basket. Splat.

10 CHELSEA CLINTON She catches the flu and is hospitalized overnight. Isn't the Secret Service supposed to protect her from this sort of thing?

11 U.S. v. MICROSOFT Read all about it... IF YOU DARE!

12 SUHARTO The President of Indonesia resigns amid accusations of corruption and demands for democracy from university students. Man, you just can't keep those college kids happy, can you?

13 MIRABILIS An Israeli news agency reports that the maker of ICQ will be bought by AOL. Be afraid, be very afraid.

14 CRACKERS Don't call them "hackers"-- you'll insult the hackers.